Sometimes the hardest part of anxiety is how little other people see.

You go to work. You answer your messages. You remember to ask how everyone else is doing. You might even be the person others turn to when they need support.

Then you get home and replay a conversation from six hours ago.

Did I sound annoyed? Why did I say that? Maybe I should text them.

You know you’ve already thought about it. You also know that thinking about it again probably won’t give you a different answer. But leaving it alone feels uncomfortable, so around you go.

That’s something I’m interested in exploring with people in therapy: the gap between looking like you’re managing and how much effort it takes.

“I know I’m overthinking. I just don’t know how to stop.”

Knowing you’re caught in a pattern doesn’t automatically help you get out of it. Sometimes it just gives you another thing to be frustrated with yourself about.

You might tell yourself you’re being dramatic, that other people have bigger problems, or that you should be able to handle this by now. Meanwhile, you’re still anxious, and now you feel bad about being anxious, too.

When we talk about this in therapy, I want to understand what happens for you. Maybe you worry most after social interactions. Maybe decisions feel impossible because you’re afraid of regretting them. Maybe a change in someone’s tone can take over your afternoon.

The details matter. “I overthink everything” is a starting point, but it doesn’t tell the whole story.

What are you hoping another round of thinking will give you?

This is a question we might spend some time with.

Are you trying to make a decision? Figure out whether someone is upset? Make sure you haven’t missed something? Get enough reassurance to finally relax?

There may be a real concern that needs your attention. We don’t have to dismiss it. But we can look at whether the way you’re responding is helping you move forward or keeping you occupied with the same question.

For example, asking someone whether they’re upset might settle things for a while. Then you notice they seem quieter than usual, and you start wondering again.

We can work together on what happens between feeling uncertain and reaching for reassurance.

How I approach anxiety in therapy

I like to understand the bigger picture, but I also want our conversations to connect to your actual day.

If you spent Tuesday evening rewriting a two sentence email, we can start there. What were you afraid might happen? What did you keep changing? How did you feel after sending it?

From there, we might explore doubts about yourself, expectations, relationships, or the pressure to get things right. We can also choose something practical to try the next time you’re in a similar situation.

I value collaboration. I’ll ask questions, share observations, and help you consider different ways of responding. I also want to hear when something doesn’t fit. You shouldn’t have to nod along to an approach that isn’t useful to you.

And there’s room to be yourself. You can lose your train of thought, say “I don’t know,” or laugh at how much time you spent analysing a message that only said “okay.” We can take your experience seriously and still have moments of humour.

Something small to try

When you catch yourself revisiting a worry, ask:

“Has anything new happened since the last time I thought about this?”

If the answer is yes, there may be something to consider or act on.

If the answer is no, notice what you’re hoping to get from another round of thinking. You don’t have to make the anxiety disappear before you put down your phone, return to your evening, or let a decision rest for a while.

That can be difficult. It’s also something you can practise with support.

You’re allowed to ask for help while you’re still managing

You don’t need to wait until you’ve stopped functioning to talk about anxiety.

Losing your evenings to worry matters. Struggling to enjoy time with someone because you’re watching for signs of tension matters. Feeling worn out by decisions that seem easy for everyone else matters.

If you recognize yourself here and want to explore working together, you’re welcome to reach out. You don’t need to know exactly what to say. We can begin with what’s been on your mind.